I once thought we'd last forever, but I guess there's no forever in your life. Good things will always come to an end. I just didn't expect it to come so suddenly. I'm sorry i spoilt it all.

Just so you know, I loved you once and I think I always will go on loving you.

You want me to act like we've never kissed, you want to forget, pretend we never met. I've tried and tried many times, but I still can't do it yet.
At this moment, I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much, i wish i can be asleep forever.

I realise how much I love you, I realise I loved you more than i thought. Because even though i know you might not love me anymore, i still love you and miss you so much.

It's hard to know that the phones are there but i can't reach you. It's hard to see you laughing when i'm crying inside, that you'd want to leave and live on without me. It's hard to love you so much but now have to hide these feelings, to live without you when i need you so much.

It's hardest to think that you might fall in love with someone new. If you don't love me, please let me go.

as of yesterday we've been together for 4 months officially..yeah!!!! but is it really that big a deal??? is it really that happy an affair ???? anyways, he took off yesterday so we went out together..but we met up kinda late because we sorta had another issue the day before and all..but it's not something new i guess...lately it seems we've been getting on each other's nerves..ever since we got back from genting..
when we met yesterday at yishun station, we didn't speak or touch each other for the entire journey to orchard..then when we were getting off the train, he held my hand..but it felt like he was compelled to, like it was his duty or something.. we walked to lido and bought tickets for the dark then travelled to ps to buy tickets for narnia later in the night before going back to lido again..we sat down and had macs for our lunch/dinner, then i asked him why his face was so glum and told him to smile..what the heck, do you know what he answered ???? he actually said, nothing to be happy about so smile for what????i felt so hurt..it's so what the hell..so i said if you're so unhappy then what's the point in meeting up???in the end we went into the cinema without speaking and i didn't want to talk to him at all..at that point in time, i felt like giving up..i can't understand him sometimes..i really wonder what goes on in his head..
so we were watching the movie, and i was crying and he kept trying to talk to me and all but i ignored him..kinda like giving him a taste of his own medicine..so i totally refused to give in..but then again, finally we were okay..as usual..
after the movie, we walked to ps together and i wanted to drink my favourite milk tea so we went to mos..we were actually getting along fine till we stepped into mos..it was quite crowded so naturally we'll have to wait for seats..then blah blah..we had a short conversation and i've forgotten the details of it all but it ended with something like, why you like to shout at me???(mr chin) and me saying something like if you don't like can don't talk to me..soon after, we found a seat and after i went to buy the drink, we just sat silently without speaking to each other again.. YES...AGAIN..so many times in a day huh..
so anyway.....after everything we were okay already in fact when we were going home things were pretty good..
while waiting for my dad to fetch me, i messaged him.. and asked what he really wants..since he doesn't like most of the things i do and since we're always at each other's throat and having cold wars, what is the point in staying together???
sometimes, i'm really very tired of all the little things we quarrel over..i want to just walk away sometimes..but i always stopped myself..whatever it is, i'm glad we talked yesterday..and cleared things up?? hopefully..for good..hopefully things will take a turn for the better..

do we look like some kinda models..and my sim's wearing a jacket similar to my Honduras one..haha..
haha..looks exactly like us huhs..soooo lifelike it's kinda creepy..

look look..lita did this sim version of me, pinky and herself..cool ain't it ?????

on new year's eve, he brought me, licia , char and mei to this place called villabali.. quite a nice place to chill in..and had lotsa fun with the sprays and all..
i really really love him..the way he talked to my cousins and told them stories and past experiences..it's like he really really cares..we stayed till quite late in the morning..and afterwards, my older cousin and her boyfriend sent us girls back to my house while he took a cab home ..i felt quite bad. cause he had to work morning shift the next day yet he still stayed with us till so late..he didn't even get to sleep before going to work..
but that was just some of the good things..we've got our share of problems too..i guess it's cause we're both really really exhausted since neither of us has had a good night's sleep yet..so we were kinda snappy towards each other for these couple of days..but i suppose it's just part and parcel of life..all relationships will have to go through this some time or another isn't it????
anyways, i talked to him and told him about the insecurities and all that has been building up inside of me..and hopefully things would be better..i seriously believe that it will. so i guess i'll just wait patiently to see how things turn out..btw..pinky..i love ya!!!!!!

aiyo..for the past couple of days, we were both not on speaking terms with each other...quite sad actually..always quarrelling and getting mad with each other over small trivial things..i really really hope things will become better..
sometimes i know he really loves me alot..i can tell from the things that he does..
but there are also times when i will think otherwise..
i sometimes wonder, i really wonder if he is serious as in he truly loves me with all his
heart...
i'm afraid at times..afraid that he will hide things from me or lie to me..
sometimes i don't know what to think..
this morning, we met for breakfast..( i didn't attend my lec, and he had to go early to collect stock to send to parkway) things were great and we talked and laughed like we usually do..
that is UNTIL...this girl, kristina, messaged him..i don't know what came over me then but i just
kinda stomped off and said i wanted to go to school rightaway...
i know maybe it is nothing, but i really don't like it..
i don't know what is wrong but what if he messages her all the time and they actually meet up without my knowing????
but then again, sometimes i will wonder..why would he do so much if he is actually two-timing me ??? i mean he can actually just dump me right ???? cause it's
not like there's any reason that he should be with me if he doesn't love me right ??? it's not like there'll be any benefits for him or whatsoever...and if he doesn't love me, why waste all his time on me right ?????

am i very good at consoling myself ???? quite an expert ain't i ??? haha .. anyway things aren't that bad actually...he's really nice and caring..and i'm so happy..cause i think he will love my cousins like how i love them..he even plans gartherings for me and my cousins and says he will try to organise them..i love my laogong for loving my cousins..

i miss him..i miss him..i miss him..i really do..